Fondling Red Ants. Negative.

The translated headline here works better than anything a writer could have come up with:

Of course, I think an equal sign would have worked better than the dash... but I'm not going to be picky here, Google.

I like finding related questions posed on the net for the mini-cast, so I tried the following:

You know what, Google? You've entirely won this round. Kudos.

--

Try this episode of the podcast: A hobbyist acupuncturist uses his "skills" on his music students to kill... Another guy kills his wife & son - just in case they're ill!


"Dazed and Convicted", a dark comedy podcast.

DazedandConvicted.com

Twitter: @dazedconvicted @monicahamburg

Facebook: Facebook.com/DazedandConvicted

Why Can You Play With a Dog But Not a Bandersnatch?

(A quick note: I have begun posting similar posts (to the ones I usually post here) on the podcast site. So if you go to DazedandConvicted.com, you'll see some new absurdities. Or you can just click on this link.)

Until then, here are some wonderful questions that appeared on Yahoo Answers.

I'd go with "because people actually exist" but then I'd have to start thinking about how Yahoo Questioners are actually people and I care not to do that. 

Ghosts! They're like rats or roaches! Will they be able to forecast a nuclear war, though? Let's ask Yahoo Answers!

Wait, there's something more pressing.

Tim.

---

Try the podcast. A recent episode of the Mini-Cast (a bi-weekly extension of the podcast) here:

"Dazed and Convicted", a dark comedy podcast.

DazedandConvicted.com

Twitter: @dazedconvicted

Facebook: Facebook.com/DazedandConvicted

Influenced by Adam's Leaf...

Apparently, even baristas give me Rorschach tests...

Speaking of perversion,,, here are the most recent episodes of the podcast.
In #94, two perverts who claim they had wardrobe malfunctions.
In #93, two men who know how to make a commitment.  To women who want them committed.
Click below to listen.

You Might Enjoy The Following Articles About Eye-Gouging"

 Here is a suggestion Facebook made for me with regard to the Dazed and Convicted page.

Now I did  post that article on the page (and talked about it on this episode).  But I have a strange feeling that it might not endear random people to my podcast.

Obviously, some feel differently. Often when you read articles on newsites you'll see suggestions of other similar articles.



Naturally, my response to this was, "Fuck yah!"  But some sites phrase their recommendations in a.. somewhat off-putting manner.

Enjoy non-consensual anal-sex articles! Of course you do! Now get on our list and wait for the sirens!

--

Similarly, I've captured a comment by someone who sincerely likes the creepers in the news stories.  He/She left this on an article about a man who chased a woman and her 4-year old girl into a convenience store and dropped his pants while screaming at them.  When the convenience story employees intervened, the man claimed the 4-year old was enticing him with her sexually provocative clothing (I'm imagining a spandex top and a strap-on here, and I don't want to.)

Sound like a smoldering gentlemen to you? Well...

 

--

But few things are more enjoyable than the randomness of the ads that a placed alongside articles.

I'm going to take a wild guess...

- - - 

Give the podcast a listen.  It's gotten pretty darn good. And we've made "iTunes" New & Noteworthy list a few times, if that means anything to you.  What's it about? Well, it's like this blog: it's got me and my sense of humor.  And it's a dark humor podcast about crime.  We rant about a few news articles, make sketches about them, and have a comedian on to evaluate and decide on "The Fucktard of The Week".

How about a review from a fellow listener (who is, I promise, not related to me:)




Hear "Dazed and Convicted" on Soundcloud by clicking below. (We're also on iTunes, Stitcher and  the feed is here.)

The Sex Was Dull - But The Sunset, Oh Baby!

Why not continue with the user-porn-naming theme while I'm masturb--- uh, at it...

Here are some more porn clips as so clearly described by the site's users...

I know how to cook.  But thanks.

Hey, you've got to practice those new skills!

 

I guess when I decode the riddle I'm allowed to get off?

Is it a card trick?!! Oh please let it be a card trick!

Lackluster Polite Gay Sex.  Who else is all horned-up now?!

Then it hardly seems worth it.

 

Unenthused about masturbating to this. But then I noticed that Ocean View!

_______________________________________________________________________________ 

Want more weird and funny?

Listen to my podcast: "Dazed and Convicted" (DazedandConvicted.com).  I like our most recent episode #89 a lot.  Just click below and it'll play for ya.



C'mon, you know you want it...
OK, look, it doesn't matter what you want.  This isn't about you.

 Find me on Twitter: @monicahamburg and @dazedconvicted

 And on Facebook: Me and Dazed and Convicted