Warning! You're a Moron

And the winner of this years “Wacky Warning Labels Contest” which celebrates absurd product warnings is:

“Danger: Avoid death.”

Smart on every level.

So, it's that easy? Just avoid it?
Awesome. I can kick back now & whenever I see death walking towards me (hopefully played by Norm MacDonald as per the "Family Guy"), I will just pretend I don’t see him.


Other brilliance on the site:

“A box of birthday cake candles says: ‘DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity.’”

Please, please MORE INFO - define “other function”! (This one (frighteningly) reminds me of some odd sexual tips book that I found as a child, which discussed what should and should not be inserted into the derriere. After listing many of the author’s “mishaps”, including one which involved being admitted to the hospital with a glass bottle in the area, the gentlemen cautioned that in his experience “nurses aren't too thrilled about having to remove pieces of glass from a person’s rectum”. Those haughty bastards!)

A flushable toilet brush warns: 'Do not use for personal hygiene.'

Oh! But it’s so tempting!

“A digital thermometer that can be used to take a person's temperature several different ways warns: ‘Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally.’"

Seriously, if this is not intuitive, kill yourself.

“A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use ‘while sleeping or unconscious’."

But that is when I’m most stressed!

“The label on a bottle of drain cleaner warns: “If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.”

Sage advice. Perhaps this is a Zen thing I am not elevated enough to be able to process?


These warnings have inspired me to create a warning label (copyright pending) which should be placed everywhere:



(Note: To make your own warning label, go to the Warning Label Generator site.)

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