Your Embarrassing Experiences May Differ From Those of Others

This is Part 2 of my exploration (Part 1 is here) into "The Dark Side of Medication". (Now, that I think about it, I am a little creeped out by the literalness of that statement. But I digress.)

Let's talk about the side effects of "alli" (a weight-loss drug), shall we?

They call them "treatment effects" & give some helpful tips on their website about the things you may experience while on the medication (gas with oily spotting, loose stools, more frequent stools that may be hard to control - that last one wins today's award for best lawyer-y phrasing).

"You may not usually get gassy, but it's a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens"

Are you speaking from experience? 'Cause that just doesn't sound right.

"You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work"

I assume alli has a timer device so that the "effects" don't hit while on public transit (wait, I live in Vancouver. If this happened on public transit here, I'd probably fit right in).

"While no one likes experiencing treatment effects, they might help you think twice about eating questionable fat content. If you think of it like that, alli can act like a security guard for your late-night cravings."

Uh huh. How about this, "alli": I take a pill that makes me soil myself every time I enter a cosmetics shop. That way I learn to associate cosmetics spending with humiliating myself and public defecation. I'll keep you posted on my progress.


And finally, it's always nice to have some graphs to chart things. You can see the search I performed by looking at this handy visual aid which appeared on one board.



I must say, I questioned my life a bit at that point.

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