Don't Speak

Like psychosis, war sucks. I get that. Still, this song, and the singers... well, just wrong on so many levels.

Let's start with this: my family is Hungarian and if there's one thing I know it's that the only word combination that goes together worse than "low fat" and "lard"- is “Hungarian” AND
“Rapper”.

Now trust me, I've heard a few such things, and even in its native language this stuff is gut-bustingly funny (this one boasts the brilliant line, spoken while on the toilet: "I'll never be as famous as Eminem, even though my ass is also white").

But again, I digress. Here’s the vid of "Speak". My rant follows.

Wow. Wow. Wowie wow wow.

1. Let's start with the fact that this guy is FAR more frightening-looking than some rappers. While he raps about "peace", I find myself wondering if it is a homophone and he is in fact yearning for the type you carry.
   
   
2. "Business". 'Nuff said. (If it helps, I've heard this "Business" - which I can only assume is akin to "word" - on another Hungarian rap. No, you're right, that doesn't help.)
   
   
3. I didn't think stuff like "Check this" would be even more funny when spoken by an Eastern European. I was wrong. As for the "Yee, C'ma" refrain... I got nothing.
   
   
4. The choral group is classic. Looks like dude assembled his friends from the local butcher shop to accompany him. "Hey, Laszlo, fin-ish cutting pig and cing in mi vid-e-o. Vats hold-up?! Yee, C'ma!"
   
   
5. Seriously, did he just release a DOVE at the end of this video...?
   

Now, as some of the Youtube commenters astutely mention, this is not much worse than some other rap tunes (and I'd venture to say that the singers grasp of the English language is on par with most rappers).

I can't dispute that. Shaggy's "It Wasn't Me" gives me something like an ice cream headache - and at least the Hungarian rapper is not suggesting you lick his dick. And I'm convinced the R&B song "Back to One" is meant to be some sort of Sesame Street thing. Please watch it to witness actual grown women counting with him - one of the rare times (like when I see the trailers of any "Bachelor"-type show, where I'm truly embarrassed to be part of the species).



So, when you listen to the Hungarian rapper, be grateful that he was kind enough not to count, describe in graphic terms what he plans to do to that woman he never intends to see again or make up stupid words and phrases that morons subsequently incorporate into their vernacular.

I know I am.

(P.S. Thanks Darren, I would never know of the brilliant "Speak the Rapper" had it not been for your post.)