Skymall - You're Clueless & We Get That

I'm planning to trade my family in for a brighter set. But until then, what can I do?

Install the Flexible Door Screen, of course.



First off, this looks like a horror film where some kind of bubble mutation has trapped the child, and will soon devour her. Which is a good thing, because if the tyke keeps running into screen doors, it's probably for the best.

"It Just Bounces Back, So It's Perfect For Windows, Screen Doors, Patio Doors, Anywhere Kids (And Adults) Are In A Hurry And Can't Seem To Find The Door Handle!"

Seriously - just once time of walking into the door will learn you that. This only enables the stupid.

Best line is:

"...Tough Enough To Resist Tearing, Sagging And Constant Impact...."

Awesome - I've been assaulting my wife for awhile now, and my screen door's really taking a beating...


Plagiarize with ease!

"The IRISPen Executive 6 Scanner allows you to scan from books, line by line! Hot diggity damn!"

Favorite line:

"Very easy-to-use! Can you use a highlighter?"

Given Skymall's customers, we shouldn't assume this is a rhetorical question.


Is it not enough that your kid is slow...?

Does he need to have night terrors as well?

Apparently, yes. Introducing the Chucky Doll of the future, Brian the Brain:



Favorite line:

"This animatronic brain incorporates The Concise encyclopedia from Britannica, a dictionary, and a world history timeline, and uses voice recognition technology to respond to verbal prompts, for an interactive roommate that children can use as an academic resource or as a toy."

It's clear by the picture these tools are all being put to good use. (Click on the pic to enlarge) The toy's display shows it is saying/writing: "Hey Dude!"

How is this a helpful gadget: "My son was just dumb before, now he pees in his bed at night from fright and sounds like Keanu Reeves..."

Well, at least you should be grateful your child doesn't imitate your new "Sumo Wrestler Table".



Yeah, invite your Asian neighbors over and give them the clue that you have no taste and you are either:

a) a racist
b) interested in some kind of twisted sex game
c) should never be around their children

(P.S. most of these and many other great products are reviewed on the Skymall Product Review blog. I love their review for the pointless Dayclock.)