4 Ladies With an Interest in Copulation

Several months ago, Chris and I had a short stop-over in Japan and our travel agent got us a day-stay hotel. We were, sadly, both tuckered so I didn't get to experience my fantasy of exploring Tokyo in general and, in particular, of roaming through one of their awe-inspiring homage-to-the-bizarre sex shops.

But, luckily, Chris found the pay-per-view schedule below - which provided us with endless fun.

Let me just begin by saying that Japanese porn doesn't often do it for me. Sure there's some great anime porn offerings, but there's even more tentacle-rape etc.

Possibly, worst-of-all, their standard porn films are such a lackluster affair, they should place them next to Tonya Harding's sex tape to boost its sales. Most feature a very thin man who seems quite displeased, having missionary-position sex with a woman who is likely conscious, though that can't be verified given her lack of enthusiasm in the proceedings.

And, of course, there's also stuff like this: "a porn series set in a senior-care home”. The only thing less erotic would be a film about accountants doing it in their lunchroom.

So, for me, the words "Japanese porn" promise to induce either a shudder or a nap.

However, the schedule below was a treat. Take a look. Note, of course, that not all these films were made in Japan (e.g. oh-so-cleverly titled "Spain in the Ass" (har!)).

What's up with the "Maintenance"? What exactly is there to "maintain"?

Oh and you know what the difference is between porn and sex in (most) mainstream films? Penetration. And, hence, watching said penetration. But, as you can see on the bottom right-hand corner, all genitals are pixelated. So, really, what's the point? A pixelated penis entering a pixelated vagina is difficult to relate to, because the last time I checked, I wasn't in King's Quest.

Of course the way they describe it all - as "patterned in mosaic" - does make it sound much more elegant and artsy. "Oh, Delila! Why, you simply must come over and witness my new Jenison Watson painting - it's a true beauty. I'm particularly impressed by the method in which he patterned the genitals in mosaic!"

But, best of all, are the titles on this document. I just love them. They couldn't be more unsexy if they tried.

"The Mother-In-Law Who is Played With". Uh...

"Seven Women of Light-Brown Skin". Damn, I was hoping for 8. Fingers crossed that that's the next in the series.

"A Japanese Middle-Aged Man Has Sex". Whoa! Hold me back!

And, then, there's "POV Perv".
Which, it seems, is what I should have named this blog in the first place.

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