Let's All Wait For Fluffy to Say "Grace"

When I moved to Vancouver (from New York), 10 years ago, the transition was anything but seamless. I still hadn't been able to make any friends in the city, but after a few months of depressed unemployment, I finally found a job and one that happened to be a pleasant walk from my apartment.

And so, several days into my employment, I walked to work and passed by a woman walking her duck.

Her duck.

The duck was walking with the woman (no leash, not that that would have made the scene any more normal), just walking beside her, like a very well behaved pet. I should also mention that the duck was dressed in a special knit sweater/outfit and the elderly owner was pushing an empty stroller, which I could only assume was meant for the poultry, should it get tired.

It was, in some way, a sweet sight. The duck was obviously happy, and well taken care of. Still, it presented a strange tableau. In another city, one might have made eye contact with another denizen and exchanged eye movements meant to suggest "WTF is going on here?" But this was Vancouver, where looking out-of-sorts or uncool for even a second can be cause for deportation. So, I looked around, and failing to make contact with anyone, continued walking.

And, because I did not want to have a conversation with my new coworkers that went something like:

Me: "Hey, I just saw a duck walking down the street on my way here."

Coworker: "Well, the water is pretty close, sometimes they wander out."

Me: "No, it was walking with a woman and her stroller and it was dressed in a nice blue outfit."

Coworker: "It was, was it?"

Me: "Yeah!"

Cut to: Interior. Sanitarium

“It was a duck! Being walked! I tell you!!!!”

...I went into denial. I actually forgot entirely about the event until a few months later, when on a date, I saw it again. I was silent for a moment, just in case, but my date turned to me and said "OK, I could be mistaken, but did I just see a woman, walking a duck like it was a dog?"

I nodded, so very relieved. That relationship didn't survive, but I was pleased to discover that my sanity was in fact, intact.

Which brings me to something I think is a "check yourself" moment. Sure, "walking your pet duck" can be a cause to evaluate your crazy meter, but often so is merely "dressing your pet". (Knitting an outfit for your pet seems worse, but I'm not sure by how much.)

But I think the crazy meter shoots way off its hinges when you adorn your furry friend in religious pet Tees. Why the fuck would you want your faith plastered on your dog, as if he/she is a believer? How is that even possible?

Here are a few to make you wonder... often, creepily:


OK, that's just as unfounded as the infomercial claims.

A dog is the "World's Sexist Christian"?! That's both sad and gross.

Say, that's great motivation to have bad sex. Also, why's it on a dog?!


Oh, that's so clever: "CSI, Christians Seeking Instruction." OK, here's one for you: Stop Dressing Your Pet.

The fact that no one on this site has come up with pet T-shirts extolling Buddhism is as good a reason for converting as any I've ever heard.