Love Song For A Vampire (Can)

Sure, Halloween is over but you may still have some residual longings.

Presenting "Count Cocklula":



In case you are unfamiliar with the Fleshjack/Fleshlight concept, basically you can have sex in a can/flashlight. Just like you always fantasized about.

As you can see, this item has a unique feature:

"Packing the same punch as the original Fleshjacks but housed in a compact soda can and featuring the exclusive Vampire Fang inner canal texture not found on any other Fleshjack product."

There's also the Succu Dry:

"To ensure an experience all its own, Fleshlight developed a brand new inner texture for the Succu Dry called “The Fang.” This intensely stimulating texture has dozens of tiny fangs that will gently bite at you"

When I purchase sex toys, I often evaluate based on the following:

1) Compactness. Is it possible to have sex with this can anywhere?
2) Creepiness. Does it have teeth, so that I can fantasize that I am being fellated by a creature from the undead?

Do you have questions about this product? Luckily the site offers an Frequently Asked Questions section. Oddly, none of the FAQs involve “WTF?” or “Are you for real?”

In fact, there's a Discussion Board where a fellow posted that he was trying alternate versions of the url to see various versions/textures of the product. He wrote:

"..been refreshing that page every 15 min... pretty sad... I know... But I wanna fuck a vampire in the mouth."

Sir, the sad part does not involve you refreshing the page...

But there's no gender bias here because there's also something for the gals:

"The Vamp" dildo.

"The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience."

What is this authentic experience you speak of? How would anyone know? And how would having an ice-cold object in my cooter qualify?

But far more terrifying than the object's premise is the following:

Ooooh! Ooooh, you sparkle! Sold!

Now, can you make a YouTube video about it?



No, clearly you cannot.