Save on WTFs!

Yes, 'tis the season for guilt, recriminations, forced merriment and, of course, unnecessary consumerism!

And while I've been picking on poor Skymall, as you well know, crappy gifts are everywhere. This fun article on Worst Holiday Gift Ideas, mentioned the Shop in Private site. Now their name already implies layers of brown-paper wrapping, and yet there's still a special section just for "Embarassing Products". Well, you can only guess how happy this section made me.

For accuracy, some of the products should be in a "Embarrassing and WTF?!" category, but I'm just nitpicking now.



"Are you MAN ENOUGH to pad your underpants?"

This product gives me flashbacks of when I was 16 and worked at a telemarketing office. Granted, the job was dehumanizing, but I'm still not sure that justified my coworker strutting in each morning with several socks stuffed down his pants. Nothing says "my focus for self-improvement is in the wrong place" more than something like this.

"Want to make your lingerie even sexier? Pick up a bottle of Perky Panties, a pheromone infused lingerie wash. Pheromones are chemical signals that trigger a natural sexual response in members of the opposite sex."

OK, if you are already in lingerie and that doesn't "trigger a natural sexual response" in your partner... I got nothing.

"Liquid Virgin vaginal contracting lubricant claims to make every time feel like the first time"

For rizzle?! Oh joy! I can't wait to feel anew as though there are burning barbed wires in my cooch!

Dear Tagline writer: I hate you. So much.

Before? Ah, yes, because a bath is so passé

But the best part of this is that the company admits that they won't sell the Lollipop flavor of this product because it's godawful. They do, however, sell the Creamsicle flavor, which is apparently better, and which the team at Shop in Private reviews as follows:

• "It smells better. It tastes ... GROSS! F*ck!" -- Pam
• "It smells like furniture cleaner. But I don't mean that in a bad way." -- Justin

This product sounds vile. But I mean that in the best possible sense.


And what a steal!

"At a salon: $100.00
Shop In Private: $9.99"

Yes!

Eczema of the Anus: $100.00
Extreme Eczema of the Anus: $9.99

More chafing - less money!

Merry Itchmas, everyone!