Monday, May 4, 2009

Because God Loves You More When You're Thin

Here we have a "powerful and spiritually moving drama that depicts Satan's hold and Christ's all-encompassing grace, courtesy of the Church of God":

My first feeling was that of panic - it appeared someone had videotaped my final theatre school performance for interpretive dance class! But then I realized that the "piece" I put together overnight, at 17, in desperation, was, by comparison, polished and layered. It was also marginally less awkward and quite possibly better choreographed.

(Also, if I didn't know better, I'd think this was a sketch comedy routine with Ricky Gervais and Jessica Holmes as the dancers.)

As I understand it - and clearly my years of religious school have taught me little - a woman is dancing with a lame, over-intense guy. She sees another guy, perhaps less weird, so she decides to dance with him. Then a football game interrupts. A man throws down some money on the game. Another gal comes by and wants to dance. She can't. And now there's no more beer. A statuesque black lesbian flaunts her stuff. The woman is tempted. But, sadly, the lesbian walks away. The woman is left sexually frustrated and in turmoil. Suddenly, a ninja arrives.

He encourages her to take her life. She tries, but it's hard to dance and cut oneself strategically at the same time. And awkward. The ninja is getting pissed, he hands her a gun. She tries again to commit suicide, but decides she'd rather be moshing at a Limp Bizkit rock concert. Things get out of control, the lame guy comes back.

At long last, he hands her a ponytail holder. All is right with the world.

Your interpretation?

And then, sometimes, you see a person in a video and are simply grateful you were spared the trauma of having to converse with them in real life.

That's nice, exercise lady, you like God. Maybe a bit too much:

Which brings me to the video my friends and I made about televangelists.
Is it perfect? No. Offensive? Of course.