Moorotica, Romance
Perhaps you read the last post about Ikea furniture sex and thought, hey, that's just not my bag (...or table). Well, there's always more strangeness for you to consider.
Submitted for your approval:
"It becomes addictive." Really? Well, I guess if you're reading this ad and you think not "Gee, didn't I find a scene like this in 'Bitter Moon' super disturbing? Wasn't it supposed to demonstrate that the couple had lost their sexual attraction to each other and had seriously run out of ideas ?" - but instead, "Holy sheep testicles! I've found my match!" then probably, yes, you have found the one in a million person who you can realize your fantasy with, and so you're likely to do this with him again. Because: what other fucking choice do you have at that point?!
Get another partner and work your way up? "Honey, I'm really enjoying this thing we're doing, but I'm thinking we could take it to the next level, maybe introduce a little bovine play?"
Now that we have that established, let's discuss some logistics.
1) How exactly did he "lose his regular partner"? Can we safely assume the partner was human? Can we rule out the possibility of Mad Cow?
2) Would he be OK if you were feeling "shy" and so, instead of vocalizing the sounds, you played this during the act?
And now, perhaps the above is also not bizarre enough for you. After all, it is a slippery slope (...or pasture).
Do you wish to find out about another fetish you didn't know anybody had?
Well, let's go to Savage Love then:
Q:
"I like fat guys who love to eat. I only go for healthy fat guys, guys with a muscle or two to show off along with their “table muscle,” and who balance their weight with their health. I’m an ethical encourager, damn it! But, man, give me Frank Bruni on all fours eating gourmet meals from a trough with his ass in the air!
My new boyfriend is stocky enough for me and he lets me watch him eat dessert now and then. But he really doesn’t want to get on all fours and eat from a trough while I fuck him, like the hot ex did. How come I can’t get it up for him?"
He doesn't want to get on all fours and eat from a trough while you fuck him? He doesn't? Well butter my but and call me a biscuit, I just don't see what his problem is.
Dan Savage had an awesome response - which worked out well, because I, myself, was useless. My sole achievement after reading this letter was that I managed to stare blankly for a good 2-4hrs until the paramedics finally arrived.
