Now Just Take a Moment to Connect with Your Fur

Let's just begin with the fact that I may not be all that zen.

For instance:

1. When the meditation recording recently instructed me to: "Think about the emotions you are feeling right now." I wondered if desperately wanting a coffee qualified as an emotion.
2. Hearing a line like, "nurture the garden in your belly" makes me want to purchase weeds.
3. I like to conclude my yoga practice with a little swearing. If I'm going to be completely honest here, swearing is probably the main reason I do my practice at home. Going to an actual yoga studio certainly has its benefits, but I have found that they are trumped by my profound desire to say "fuck..." after getting into any position . (I may have a unique form of Tourette's, I'm not sure.)

And, clearly, I'm not the target demographic for the Satori Dog Institute's "Guided Meditation for Dogs". Because I'm obviously just not that centered. While I coo and talk baby-talk to every animal I see (to the point where my boyfriend has claimed people are probably very impressed with him for dating a special needs girl) there's not a chance in hell that something like the following would occur to me:

"Oh, Peanut, you seem to be in a profoundly negative sphere... Are you certain your chakras are properly aligned?"

 
Enjoy listening to the second sample here which includes the awesome lines:

"OK, here we are... Now let's settle in... Very good." , "We're going to sit, stay... and down" and "what a good girl..."

And sounds like it would be most appropriate at a retreat for a futuristic BDSM cult...

And, as always, one of the bonus joys of exploring these odd sites is going down the rabbit hole by following the links...

To:

Dog Tutus.  Described as for "Special Occasions, Holidays, Halloween, or Just Every Day Fun".

Whose fun, exactly?

Then I read the following:

"All pet tutus have about a 4" gap (depending on size) at the belly to prevent soiling."

Uh. Oh.

You just can't unlearn some things.

The testimonials section for these kinds of sites give me great pleasure too.  Because you know these people are going to sound batshit. But just how batshit?

“I've probably looked at over 200 "pet boutique" websites and browsed at every pet store within a 50 mile radius of my house since I got my chihuahua about 1 1/2 months ago."

Hm. Perhaps a dog belonging to this person might require a meditation CD.