I Long for Your Polyurethane Embrace!

Ah...  Sad products...

Whenever I see a really depressing product I think, "Wouldn't you, just as you were about to order this thing, realize how fucking pitiful you were and just stop right there..." (Possibly even way before the purchase of such gems as: Cheers to You! or Weighted Hug Wraps or hug me pillows.)

Have you ever wanted to experience the sheer patheticness of a product hug combined with a telegram?  Well now you can! Presenting the "Hug E Gram".

I imagine these were designed for people who can read one of those horrible, mass produced sap-ridden greeting card poems - and tear up rather than retch uncontrollably. 

[Front of card:]

"That beautiful sound
It might as well have been the angels singing
Or a child's first giggle
Or a gentle deer tending to its fawn
Or God sending mortals a kiss

[Inside card:]

It was the sound of your voice,
when you first told me you loved me.
Happy Anniversary!" 

They would delight in:



I'm really surprised this isn't some religious product because I can totally imagine it being successfully rebranded as the "Jesus Hug":

"Sometimes you don't feel Jesus is with you. But he's always there.
Get the feeling of him hugging and supporting you all day long."

Wait! How about the Jesus bra!
"Supporting you throughout your day!"
Patent (now) pending!

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