There's a Torch in my Pants and the Whole Plane's Invited

In the past month, I've had two guys proposition me with offers of cocaine.

Which leads me to believe two things:

1. Some people suck at the pick up.
2. I've been neglecting going to the dentist for too long.

Let's just look at #1 this time around:

Exhibit A:

A drunk guy on a plane who fabricated some things about himself to pick up a gal, actually "thought things were going well".  That is, until he got arrested.

What did he lie/brag about?  His recent bank account statement?  Being a CEO? Or an attentive lover?

Not exactly...

Here's what his concerned intended paramour wrote to a flight attendant:

"He has a torch that he lit and showed me. And he said his canister has a gas device that will make everyone on the plane pass out if there is danger. He also has a device that he says is like a Taser."

Oh, you have a torch! And can make everyone on the flight go to sleep if there is danger. (I didn't even know that was an option!)  But I feel fucking safe and horny now!

Exhibit B:

It's no secret that many women will swoon over your pet.  But you might have less luck if the pet is not furry, potentially dangerous and you actually have to get the clueless lady to your apartment first in order for her view it.

"Yarbrough told authorities that he purchased the gator five years ago in Indiana for $200 and did not know if it was a male or female. He said he kept the animal to attract women."

Oh, the classy hotties you could attract with a gator! 

Exhibit C:

Look, I'd hate for the gals to feel neglected here.  Some women can also be pretty sad and desperate too.  Like the kind of person who would call 911 to get the name of a cop who responded to a noise complaint at her house.  Because those people being swarmed in the 7-11 parking lot can just fucking wait their turn!

Bonus:

I'd like to show my appreciation to you for reading this post by recommending a fabulous book I came across by a guy who truly has game...

It contains pictures of the author and various women on MySpace! And it has no ratings or reviews.  Also it's just $36.56! That's less than a dollar per hot, irresistible eloquently written poem.

"It’s time to get busy on a mental level lol" 

" i'm cumin for you!"

Oh, I have to go now! I cayenne hold out much longer! 

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